thoughts on recession, socialism and me, part 1

Last night Allan and I attended a talk called "How Can Workers Fight Back in a Recession?", hosted by International Socialists. It was the first time I attended one of their events.

I knew a lot of people there, which was really cool. You may have noticed that I'm always amazed to discover I have friends, have community, even that I am recognized, that I know people. This may seem silly or inexplicable, as I've lived in Canada more than three years and I'm an activist. But consider that when I was leaving New York after 22 years, I was amazed at how many people I had to say goodbye to, how many communities I was part of. I won't write a therapy session on why this is - why my feelings of being an outsider never quite go away, why the feeling of belongingness is a constant source of surprise and joy to me. I will just say, this is me.

So attending an event where I know many people, and where I can be truly myself because I share the most basic common ground with everyone there, is meaningful to me, and always will be.

I was a socialist before I ever heard the word. I was a socialist when I read The Grapes of Wrath for the first time, around age 11. I was a socialist when my father regaled me with stories about his early days as a labour organizer. The more I learned and read as I grew up, the more certain I was that this was my orientation in life.

I never joined a socialist group, though, or became active in a specifically socialist organization. This was partly by chance and partly by choice.

The people I knew who belonged to socialist groups were primarily theorists. They weren't studying Marxism as a lens through which to focus activism and create change; they studied Marxism to study Marxism. That's fine if it's your thing, but I need action. Plus, I didn't like them. They were disruptive and overbearing within any group they belonged to, and I steered clear.

I also had a few brief, negative experiences with some highly toxic groups. There are dozens of them out there - undemocratic, anti-egalitarian, dominated by authoritarian, controlling, ego-driven personalities. Groups like this exist across the spectrum of political beliefs, but to see it on the left is so disturbing to me.

I never generalized and imagined these destructive groups defined socialism, but it was easy to focus on my feminist work and leave the Marxist study groups to the Marxist studiers. In my activism around reproductive freedom or sexual assault, or when I was a volunteer and teacher at a youth centre, I felt that my leftist, feminist perspective would always inform whatever I did, and that was enough.

Now this may be changing. I have tremendous respect for everyone I know in IS Canada. They're great people and it seems like a great group: inclusive, egalitarian, action-oriented. I think I'll continue down the path a bit more and see how it goes.

In Part 2 of this post, I'll try to tell you about the talk itself, what I learned, what we can do. Tomorrow.